So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
