i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
