Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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