We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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