Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
