You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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