I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The air was thick with penises
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just forgot I was standing up.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
