I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
