so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
