There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
