Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
