turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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