she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think people are normalizing furries
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
