i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
