Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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