I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
