the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
