i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
