he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize