I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i've created a new STD.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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