Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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