I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
