ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
