We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
