At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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