you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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