Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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