i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
