So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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