Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
