Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
