I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize