In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this just has baby written all over it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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