you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
