I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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