have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
