It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Bring me that man meat
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
