trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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