My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
