I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
jump out the window naked night went bad
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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