Too much gin, very little bucket
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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