her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
