apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got inside last night via doggy door
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize