you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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