matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
