ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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