Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
