does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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