ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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