Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
