After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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