There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
