i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
