Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
