it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My vagina just recognized that song.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
