Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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