I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
