she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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