you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm like, not good at living.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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