Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
