The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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