You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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