I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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