How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
