I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
