I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
