i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
