pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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