I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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