she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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