How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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