my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We are two peas in an std pod
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
