i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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