how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
