Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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