I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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