You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
