$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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