You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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