She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
false alarm, still single
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize