I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize