Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
