he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
