No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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