I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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