guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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