You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
