so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
