all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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