my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
