i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
