So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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