Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
