it hurts more in the daytime
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize