At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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