i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
