first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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