I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
