You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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