So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
