Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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