i think my mom watched the whole time
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
